Ick. It’s 2 AM and I just finished doing some dishes. The bug refuses to go back to sleep and is happily playing right now. I gave up after nursing/bouncing him for the past hour. His schedule went down something like this tonight: 9:00ish – Bedtime 10:30 – Up. Nursed back to sleep. (Yeah, I’m still nursing. Don’t hate!) 10:35 – Up. Bounced back to sleep by dad. 11:45ish – Up again. Nursed back to sleep. 1:00 AM – Up for good. And the bed is wet. Oh joy

This can’t be normal. Which is why I’ve contacted a sleep expert, except miss thang hasn’t yet responded. I’m sure some would judge that this is somehow the fault of the parents. But I did everything the books said. Eat/sleep/play cycles, scheduling, attachment parenting, swaddling, putting him to sleep in his own bed… Well, everything except cry-it-out. At best, it looks like a quick-fix to all our problems. But at worst, it’s…cry it out. Hours of wailing, inevitable vomiting, buckets of baby, mommy, and daddy tears, and T-o’d neighbors. Not an option.

But meanwhile, I’m miserable. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in more than 10 months. I drag throughout the day, hanging out in my pj’s until about 2 in the afternoon, which is when we finally get our day started because the entire morning is spent napping. I remember feeling so odd waking up at 1, 2, 3 AM to feed Kai when he was a newborn. It felt so lonley. The entire world was asleep except for me and him. But now this is my life. Up all night. Doing dishes at 2 AM because my only alternative is to lie on the ground in a miserable sleep limbo cycle where I would slowly drift back asleep only to be awakened by my baby using my hair/face/body as his personal jungle gym.

Can someone please send me on a vacation? How about a cute little bed and breakfast along the beach? A place where I can sleep in, eat yummy pastries, do some yoga, and have the bed all to myself (bedding no less than 400-thread-count, thank you very much). All I ask for is two measley days of rest. Should I send my sob story in to Oprah? She makes dreams happen, with that dream bus thingey of hers, right?

But we’re taught to count our blessings. At least my husband has a good job which means I have the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom to deal with all this. At least my son’s cuteness makes up for his sleep issues. At least I’ll have a clean bowl to use in the morning for my cereal instead of a big ‘ol Tupperware container. YESSS!!!