“Ehh-SHA!”
(translation = Elsa = our poor cat that the boys love too much)

I haven’t been able to wear my dear Antiks since spring oh-seven (not counting the one time I wore them to a park playdate where I got lots of compliments, but no one knew that I couldn’t sit, breathe, squat, bend, or eat one Goldfish cracker). But once a month, I dig out “The Jeans” and try, try again.

After another failed extrusion attempt last night, I am finally coming to terms that this is my body after two children. Two, beautiful children that more than validate the scars, stretchmarks, and other (non-mentionable) physical changes that are part and parcel to being a mother in this mortal existence.

And lastly, note to self: Heavenly Father has provided us too many wonderful promises to get bogged down by lemonade diets and silly, stubborn jeans. Next size up, please!

(And, speaking of jeans, this girl needs to RUN. AWAY. From the high-waist. Please!)

From inside his room, Kai screams, “I’m not going to nap! I’m not going to nap!”
(and goes on — ignored — for five minutes)

But then follows up, chanting:

“Never give up! Never give up!…
I’m not going to nap!”

Free-spirited with a tendency towards anarchism =
future leader (is what I tell myself).

Don’t children have the best comedic timing? The most obscene things come out of their little mouths at the most inappropriate times. We weren’t even five minutes into the lesson during Kai’s first day in Primary (church Sunday school for children) before he began yelling, and I mean, truly yelling, “I don’t want to get baptized! I don’t WANT to get baptized!”

Our newest mantra around here: “Do NOT. Let Kai. See you. Laugh.”

I love these markers!! They are so much fun. The OC part of me wants to clean up the glass door (+ Kai’s closet door), but a bigger part of me wants to keep the artwork up for Ryan — and us — to enjoy.

Thanks for the idea, Dawn :)

{Get Shepard Fairey’s limited edition stickers here.}

Can’t get their song “Sweet Disposition” out of my head since viewing the trailer for 500 Days of Summer, one of the it films at Sundance this week. I will most definitely see it this summer (Zooey Deschanel = my girl crush, and should be yours, too), but hope it doesn’t get overhyped the way Juno was, which I didn’t even think was very good. There, I said it. Someone had to.

Because it almost makes up for the fact that our state will be giving us a nice, fat I-O-U this spring instead of a tax refund.

Guest blogging again at Living Locurto today! Let me forewarn you that it’s about the superhero party (again) but a few free downloads are involved, one put together by the talented Amy.

And lastly, a random pic because I like to have pictures with my posts:

Messy hair + peacoats are so in right now.

So, Ryan made it to day 3 on the cleanse. When he announced he was done, we promptly ordered pizza. And went back to our usual diet of food and giant chocolate bars.

However.

The cleanse wasn’t all in vain. I’ve noticed that Ryan is much more conscious of what he eats. He’s working out more. And is a lot better at portion control. He doesn’t regret doing the cleanse at all. But, like Dana said, we’ve decided that we’ll stick with fasting just once a month!

Surprise!
Lotion.
All over the closet door.
Painted on.
With a giant lint-roller.

Wow, thank you all for your support! It’s all very kind. And…embarrassing (you’ll see why at the end). But day 1 went like this:

6:30 am – Saltwater flush. We’re supposed to down nearly 1 liter of a water and sea salt solution. I could only manage one glassful. Gagging and dry heaves ensue shortly after. Ryan chugged his down like a champ. No complaints from him.

7:30 am – First helping of the lemon and maple syrup mixture. I was still feeling sick from the saltwater flush. A brisk morning walk/lame jog didn’t make me feel much better. But after drinking 8oz of the “lemonade” I started to feel a little normal again. And the mixture actually tastes good.

9:00 am – Had another glass of lemonade. Feeling alright and just happy that my hunger was in check.

11:30 am – Got back from the park with the boys. Feeling sluggish, weak, and a little woozy by now. I’ve read this means my body is shifting its energy to “healing” my insides. Liars. But I managed to prepare lunch for the boys without going insane. Starting to want real food, but my hunger isn’t as intense as on a Fast Sunday.

4:00 pm – By this time, I had three more glasses of the lemonade mixture. All afternoon, I felt like a useless sloth. I didn’t have the energy to do any chores and just wanted to watch Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson interviews all afternoon (can you say Twihard?). Good thing I had some design work to keep me busy. In a very indolent way.

5:00 pm – Real, tangible hunger has finally set in. Like my stomach was trying to eat itself. My head is starting to hurt, and my 6th glass of lemonade did no good to take the edge off. I know I’m starting to go crazy when I get excited by lemon pulp in my drink (“Solids…ohhh, YAY!!”). But no distraction can completely take my mind off of food. Food! I was obsessed with it. And very grumpy at my children.

5:30 pm – I realize I don’t have enough reserves to get through that tough 5-6pm hour with the kids. I’m mad at the stupid lemonade diet. I’m mad at how unsatisfied I feel. But amused that I lost two pounds (water weight, yes) in less than 24 hours. I call up Ryan, telling him that I’m going to quit (and expecting him to talk me out of it — which he doesn’t) and I’m shoving a bowlful of Cheerios down my throat before I’m even off the phone with him.

6:30 pm – On top of the Cheerios, I ate four mini bagels with cream cheese, a hard-boiled egg, a sliver of cheddar cheese, and an un-ladylike serving of chicken and broccoli curry (I’ve been craving carbs, but mostly protein all day). My mind is sharp again. I feel strong and capable. And happy to have a comfortably full stomach.

There it is; my short-lived experience with the Master Cleanse. I didn’t think I’d wuss out so quickly. But I just don’t think it’s feasible for a busy mother with young children. I don’t know…someone out there prove me wrong. Ryan is still bent on finishing the entire cleanse. So, good luck, my dear husband! I will consider this the male equivalent of natural childbirth.

Behold.

In my arms I present to you. The ingredients for our only sustenance the next 10 days:

The Master Cleanse.

Miss Maureen said she’d rather gnaw her arm off. A dubious Amy from Tehachi-where? questioned our sanity today (“Are you duuummb?! Are you crazy?!!”). Ryan is committed to doing the cleanse for two full weeks. And I’m currently thinking of ways to cheat.

We start Monday. I’m sure this will be terribly boring, but feel free to check in to witness our misery progress over the next week or so.

I love this band. More music at their MySpace site.