First day of the cleanse + a happy ending
January 5, 2009
Wow, thank you all for your support! It’s all very kind. And…embarrassing (you’ll see why at the end). But day 1 went like this:
6:30 am – Saltwater flush. We’re supposed to down nearly 1 liter of a water and sea salt solution. I could only manage one glassful. Gagging and dry heaves ensue shortly after. Ryan chugged his down like a champ. No complaints from him.
7:30 am – First helping of the lemon and maple syrup mixture. I was still feeling sick from the saltwater flush. A brisk morning walk/lame jog didn’t make me feel much better. But after drinking 8oz of the “lemonade” I started to feel a little normal again. And the mixture actually tastes good.
9:00 am – Had another glass of lemonade. Feeling alright and just happy that my hunger was in check.
11:30 am – Got back from the park with the boys. Feeling sluggish, weak, and a little woozy by now. I’ve read this means my body is shifting its energy to “healing” my insides. Liars. But I managed to prepare lunch for the boys without going insane. Starting to want real food, but my hunger isn’t as intense as on a Fast Sunday.
4:00 pm – By this time, I had three more glasses of the lemonade mixture. All afternoon, I felt like a useless sloth. I didn’t have the energy to do any chores and just wanted to watch Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson interviews all afternoon (can you say Twihard?). Good thing I had some design work to keep me busy. In a very indolent way.
5:00 pm – Real, tangible hunger has finally set in. Like my stomach was trying to eat itself. My head is starting to hurt, and my 6th glass of lemonade did no good to take the edge off. I know I’m starting to go crazy when I get excited by lemon pulp in my drink (“Solids…ohhh, YAY!!”). But no distraction can completely take my mind off of food. Food! I was obsessed with it. And very grumpy at my children.
5:30 pm – I realize I don’t have enough reserves to get through that tough 5-6pm hour with the kids. I’m mad at the stupid lemonade diet. I’m mad at how unsatisfied I feel. But amused that I lost two pounds (water weight, yes) in less than 24 hours. I call up Ryan, telling him that I’m going to quit (and expecting him to talk me out of it — which he doesn’t) and I’m shoving a bowlful of Cheerios down my throat before I’m even off the phone with him.
6:30 pm – On top of the Cheerios, I ate four mini bagels with cream cheese, a hard-boiled egg, a sliver of cheddar cheese, and an un-ladylike serving of chicken and broccoli curry (I’ve been craving carbs, but mostly protein all day). My mind is sharp again. I feel strong and capable. And happy to have a comfortably full stomach.
There it is; my short-lived experience with the Master Cleanse. I didn’t think I’d wuss out so quickly. But I just don’t think it’s feasible for a busy mother with young children. I don’t know…someone out there prove me wrong. Ryan is still bent on finishing the entire cleanse. So, good luck, my dear husband! I will consider this the male equivalent of natural childbirth.
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Kent is rolling with laughter and I for one am feeling quite satisfied with your decision to end the madness. Good luck to Ryan and his equivalent to natural child birth (that line, by the way, was awesome).
Ugh. I don’t think I would make it past the saltwater flush. I like the line about how your stomach was trying to eat itself. Good luck to Ryan – is there an epidural ready and waiting?
omg – i’m rolling over here! sounds like my attempt at dieting. maybe we can try this together once the kids are in school.
Miyo, Jodi, thanks for confirming my fears that you all would laugh at my failure. ; )
Jenn we’re not laughing at you; we’re laughing with you. This post was written with such honesty, wit, and a little sass that I’m pretty sure you were daring readers not to laugh. Am I right?
Yes, Jodi, you are right! : ) Just feeling very sheepish that public accountability didn’t hold me to my goal!
hahaha.
Awesome post.
Good luck to Ryan!
haha. i have never heard of this. maybe this will encourage you a bit, maybe don’t tell your husband cause it seems he is determined, but nothing can cleanse or detox the body except the body. those cleansing things and detoxicating things are kind of bogus, at least that is what my dietitian husband studied. but maybe ryan knows some other secret that keeps him going. i can’t wait to hear how far he will get, but kudos to you because you got pretty darn far. i would have stopped at the first sip!
oh and so you are addicted now, huh? twihard… that is hilarious! are you done with all four?
This is a super entertaining post, not because you caved but because it was so descriptive. Loved it.
Good luck to Ryan.
I love it!! When Chris and I were dating, his roommate tried this diet, and by the end of the day, he was scarfing down taco bell. The antithesis of ‘cleansing foods’.
Sorry about the gross saltwater mixture, that sounds nasty.
Ruby, thanks for sharing that! I’ve always been dubious about the whole “detox” claim. But I was intrigued by the promise of being able to get over any addictions, which is what I needed coming off the holidays with sweets and fatty food and such. And I admit, hearing about how Beyonce lost 22 lbs in just 10 days inspired me. For a little bit!
And yes, total Twilight addict here. Finished the series in less than a week. And it was a very messy, untidy week in our home…
Okay, I’m laughing at you and with you Jenn. It would take a lot — like one of my kids in imminent danger — to get me to even consider this…
Hi Jenn! Let me tell you that I’m a mom and I’ve done it for 10 days!! I say anybody can do it, no matter what you do in life. It does feel so great afterwards. I never felt the hunger, and when I felt like eating I would just drink more lemonade. I couldn’t take the salt water flushes, I would gag too, but my husband did do them. We did it together and that was easier, I just had to feed my kid. Try it again!!
sorry jenn, but you asked for it ;)
i can’t even believe you were attempting this crazy cleanse with two boys under the age of 4!
1 liter of salt water solution? I’m gagging just thinking about it. I think the real kicker is not eating and have energy to be a parent. At least you tried and now I know to wait until my boys are grown up and out of the house. Phew! 18 more years to go before I clense!
i totally understand the weeks worth of twilight. really, there must be some drug involved because once you start, you can’t stop. then, when its over, you want more. i still haven’t seen the movie, but the mixed reviews are are holding me back and the lack of time and babysitters, so edward and bella will remain untainted in my head. maybe it’s better that way.
yeah, ben always laughs when he hears about detox things. is ryan still on it?
Kudos to you for trying to do something to stop the madness of holiday bingeing through the month of January. I myself can’t stop eating all the Christmas candy thats still in my house. At least I am able to throw away the Sees chocolates that I don’t like. I used to eat them!
Such a TROOPER for trying to do it even one day. Just thinking about it makes me eat an unusually large meal to make up for the hunger I am imagining.
I don’t think I’d have made it past lunch- props for even trying. -keely
Dariela, you are amazing! Really though, what got you through it? What was your inspiration, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m wondering because it was so hard for me to focus. I just couldn’t get my head in the game. But I’m very impressed you went the whole 10 days and managed to feed your child without breaking from the diet!
hahahaha! I guess just the thought of “cleaning” my body and the book does say that for it to really work you have to do it for at least 10 days. Did you read the book? It’s very interesting and inspiring. Also, doing it together with my husband really helped!!
No, I haven’t read the book! I’m sure that helps, instead of just reading some silly things online. Thanks for the reply. : )
oh wow…I am proud that you got until dinner time…I would have caved as soon as I smelled the morning coffee! A gallon of salt water? Oh me…oh my…..
Kati, it actually starts out very delicious. Or at least that what I told myself. It doesn’t get really bad until close to the afternoon. Honestly…I am tempted to try it again! I am nuts.