I tend to blog so infrequently, I feel the need to announce my presence so that people don’t think I’m female and pregnant.

My cousin Mimi, who by the way is an excellent writer, wrote a very thoughtful, reflective, post on the now infamous Sister Beck General Conference talk. Thank you, Mimi, for such a down-to-earth perspective on this.

I do, however, want to clarify Jenn’s previous post, and go into greater detail as to why this was such a controversial talk for her. She doesn’t disagree with Sister Beck’s talk in any way. Personally, I wholeheartedly believe that the Mother can and does set the tone for the home, and that she should be there, nurturing her family. Jenn also feels this same way, and would much rather be home than away at a job, or even working from home during the day. I know for a fact that she loves being a stay-at-home mom, prides herself in a clean home, and loves spending time with Kai. Rather, she’s addressing the larger, more complicated issue that is wrapped up in the following question: “Should we stay in California in order to stay close to family, or should we move out-of-state in order to get some financial breathing room?” And by breathing room, I mean “ability to get out from under crippling student loans and consumer debt without filing for bankruptcy.” For thousands of young LDS families living in Southern California, this is a monumental issue, and is probably one of the most often-discussed topics by people our age who don’t own a home, and even by many who do.

First, some statistics: The average selling price of a home in Ventura County, California as of September ‘07 (latest data) is $673,227. Some housing slump, eh?

Next, let’s do some quick cost-of-living comparisons. I’ll pick Houston and Salt Lake City, since I was born in Houston, and have family in both cities. I’ve averaged data from cnnmoney.com, bankrate.com, city-data.com, and salary.com. Instead of the county as a whole, let’s use Ventura stats, since that’s where we live:

Average salary in the City of San Buenaventura: $44,400
In Houston, the equivalent income is: $24,733
In Salt Lake City, the equvalent income is: $30,693

In other words, it’s 45% cheaper to live in Houston, and 30% less expensive to swing it in SLC. Someone making $44K in Ventura could make $24K in Houston and have the exact same standard of living. Much of this difference can be found in housing costs (Ventura is 72% more expensive than Houston). However, much of it comes from other areas as well, such as groceries (35% more expensive in Ventura than Houston).

But what are the average incomes in those cities?

Well, that data is a little harder to find. But I bet you can guess that it’s at least a littler higher than $24K or $30K. In fact, census.gov tells us that in 2001 the median income in Houston was $45,762.

So with all this evidence that we’re not getting the best bang for our buck, why do we still live here? Well, staying near family is probably the number one reason. Secondly, we love where we live. We love the clean air, we love the ocean and the beach, and of course we have good friendships here too. We’re getting by, and everyone around us is getting by, so why don’t we just stay and see what happens? And thirdly, Jenn and I have major weather issues. Between Jenn’s overheating/dehydration problems and the permanent frostbite I have on my brain from serving a mission for two years at the North Pole (a.k.a. Finland), we really need to live in a temperate climate, or in other words, right here on the California Coast. We’re not spoiled, we’re just weathericallly challenged!

Okay, so we could move, but should we? If we should, shouldn’t all of our peers? The Church would die out in Southern California in a generation. In Finland, I served in a city called Kuopio and also covered a small town 45 minutes to the north called Iisalmi, where we met in a room rented from the Post Office. Over a span of two months, Kuopio’s Branch President lost his job due to downsizing and moved his family to Helsinki, and the Iisalmi branch was dissolved due to a lack of Priesthood leadership. Losing a strong leader and his wonderful family seemed like a great loss to us missionaries, and indeed it was to the members as well. Seeing the entire branch of Iisalmi go inactive once it was dissolved was even worse. I know this is a slippery slope, but it sure seems like this is what would happen in California if we all decided that our wives shouldn’t make a penny outside the home.

I’m not promoting any doctrine here, I’m simply asking the questions: What about those who literally can’t afford to have a baby right out of college, due to unmanageable student loans? Does the commandment to not delay childbearing supersede the commandment to stay out of debt? Should we limit the size or our family to whatever will fit into the small condo we may someday be able to purchase, or do we sin by wanting to remain in Southern California when we could easily afford a larger home in another state?

The above questions aren’t necessarily false dichotomies. They apply to us for example, and thousands of other young LDS families around us. I’m not talking about having two incomes in order to have new cars, go on vacations, or have a nice home. We own both of our (aging) cars outright, don’t go on vacations, and don’t even own a home. I’m talking about paying the bills, having enough money for food, and trying to pay off our student loans and consumer debt.

So that’s what it comes down to: Jenn, like many other Southern California LDS moms, works a little so that we can afford to live. Sister Beck’s talk perfectly outlined the role of the ideal mother and homemaker. What it lacked was that little line at the end that usually goes something like this: “We know that not all of you have the resources to stay at home full-time, due to various circumstances out of your control. But as long as your heart is in the right place, and you strive toward these goals, Heavenly Father will bless your family. Don’t give up.” At least, that’s how I imagine it in my head.

And in our case, circumstances aren’t really out of our control. We could up and move to Oregon, for example, in a week. But then why do I get the feeling that we shouldn’t?

In 1782, the Mission San Buenaventura was founded by Father Serra, named after Saint Bonaventure. Buenaventura is composed of two Spanish words: buena meaning “good” and ventura meaning “fortune.”

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